“I’m done writing my book.”
“Ohhhh o-k-ay…”
That was not what I expected.
But what do you expect when you tell the person closest to you that you’ve just pulled off your childhood dream – and she had no idea you were even chasing it?
I spent 2 years writing Silent Laws. Nobody knew… not a soul, including the person who’d been there through my worst moments.
I believe in keeping things to yourself. But there’s a line between privacy and exclusion, and somewhere in those 2 years I crossed it.
Why do we chase things alone even when we don’t have to?
I guess part of it is hustle culture… the great lock-in, the lone wolf, the chest-pumping satisfaction of saying “I did it by myself.”
We’ve been sold a version of ambition that treats other people as a distraction. As hard as it is to admit, I bought into it… and it cost me.
This is the first time I’ve written about my relationship publicly. I’ll tell you why… because until recently I hadn’t fully understood what I’d done.
For 2 years I cancelled many plans. Made excuses not to meet up when I had to. I was distant when my presence was most needed.
To me it made sense – my most critical resource was time. I needed all the time I could get… or so I thought.
Imagine hearing from the person who’s been by your side that they felt neglected and unloved… for 2 freakin’ years!
How do you defend yourself when you acted exactly that way? And the worst part: part of you believed this win would be hers too.
Do you ask for forgiveness? And would you even have stayed that long if you were in her shoes?
What’s the point of arriving anywhere alone?
The whole point of hustling for bread is to eventually sit at a table and share it with the people closest to you.
Hunters always shared the antelope with the tribe… not out of generosity, but survival logic. The tribe was the insurance. A hunter who ate alone tonight starved next month when the hunt failed.
So what was I insuring against by shutting her out?
Maybe I took the laws in Silent Laws too literally.
The chapter on loose lips and oversharing deserved more nuance.
knowing when to keep quiet is one thing, but the person sitting across from you at the dinner table should never feel like a stranger to the meal they helped make possible.
Some dinners are quieter than others.
Got the bread, the table is set… I’m just waiting for her to sit down.
© Phumzile