At the time of writing this, it’s 2025… and the dating pool?
It’s less pool, more like a sewage dam.
Women are making money twerking on an app called “OnlyFans” and calling themselves “influencers.” I still don’t know what they’re influencing, son, but that’s the job title.
Twerking, by the way, is basically dancing with your bums. Hopefully both the word and the act are extinct by the time you read this.
I know it sounds weird, but it’s real. In 2025, this is how some women are “getting the bag,” as they say – which just means making money, son.
And if these types of women still exist by the time you read this udlalele kude kubo – stay far away. Some are called “slay queens”: materialistic women who will finish your annual salary in an hour and bounce to the next guy like it’s nothing. The moment the money’s gone, they are too.
A lot of slay queens also call themselves influencers. What they’re slaying or influencing, I can’t tell you. I didn’t make these names up; I’m just reporting them to you son.
But before I go any further, let me tell you about the other kind of woman, because she exists too and she’s worth waiting for.
She’s the woman who shows up when things are hard, not just when things are good. She has her own ambitions and doesn’t need you to complete her. She makes you want to be better without ever asking you to be different.
You’ll know her not by how she looks on a Saturday night but by how she treats people who can do nothing for her.
On Women and Balance
Now, it would be remiss of me to call this “Rizz 101” and then go on a tirade about women. That’s not what this is.
You were brought into this world by a woman – your mother. A good woman, whether or not we’re on good terms when you read this.
I just needed to give you a heads-up on the types of women to avoid. Because they do exist. And so do terrible men. Plenty of them.
So let’s balance this pool. It’s murky because both genders have peed in it.
And the men? Some of them are just as bad.
Some of these men play women and don’t know what they want. Others expect women to cook, clean and worship them while offering absolutely nothing in return. Some carry childhood trauma but somehow convince themselves that beating a woman makes them strong – absolute idiots!
Then there are the ones who blame women for everything and dodge every mirror held up to them, never once asking themselves what they brought to the table. They think relationships are something women run alone while they just show up and collect the benefits.
I’ve ticked some of those boxes son. The accountability one especially.
I used to be the guy who could explain away anything – why it wasn’t my fault, why she provoked it, why the circumstances were unfair. It took me longer than I’d like to admit to realise that a man who can’t own his mistakes is a man who can’t grow.
Don’t be that man.
I’m a better man now, but I’m no saint. One thing I’m proud of: I’ve never laid a hand on a woman. If you ever do, you’ll have ruined our relationship. Forever. No negotiation.
What Is Rizz?
Let’s get to the fun part. Rizz.
Rizz allegedly comes from “charisma” – that charm people have that draws others in. A guy called Kai Cenat, a streamer, popularised it around 2021.
Now, a streamer is someone who makes money recording themselves talking – usually nonsense – on a platform called Twitch. I don’t get it, son. I grew up herding sheep in a village. Some things just don’t make sense to me. And that’s fine. What you need to know is that rizz means romantic charisma – what people in my day used to call having ‘game.’ The term may be dead by the time you read this but the principle stays the same.
I never had awards for rizz. Some women used to intimidate me (if I’m honest, they still do). I’m in a relationship now – hopefully with your mother. If not, well…it is what it is.
That’s a life lesson for you too: your first girlfriend probably won’t be your wife.
Batlao hurrda. (Women will hurt you.)
Don’t Be a Simp
Don’t be a simp.
If that term is dead by your time, it means: don’t break your back trying to please a woman who doesn’t respect you.
Have boundaries. Communicate them clearly and kindly.
Don’t let anyone – especially someone you’re dating – define what a “real man” is based on how much you bend for them. If being a real man means ignoring your own boundaries, then don’t be one.
Some people – men and women – use language as a weapon. They’ll dress up bad behaviour in the right words and dare you to challenge it.
Don’t.
Your job isn’t to out-argue anyone. Your job is to recognise it early and walk away.
Also, don’t assume your first girlfriend is your soulmate. I did that, son. I simped. I thought the girl I dated would be your mom – my soulmate. She dumped me like a bag of cocaine. I’m not proud of it, but I want to be real with you in a way my father never was with me.
Most men have simped at some point son. It’s part of the game. The trick is to spot it early and course-correct. Don’t be a yes-man. Respect yourself.
The Power of Energy
You carry energy with you, even when you don’t realise it.
Some people walk into a room and just feel good to be around. Others drain you before they speak. That’s energy, what some people call aura.
It’s not always accurate but it’s real. And you can influence yours.
Start by telling yourself you’re a cool person. Sounds basic, but it took me years. You’ve got to believe you’re cool. Not arrogant. Just cool with who you are.
I don’t mean embrace your bad traits. I mean accept your quirks and interests. Journal often about why you love yourself, or what makes you cool. Say it out loud if you must. I had to work hard to like myself, and it changed my energy.
Even good women will feel it.
When you love who you are, people pick it up. You show up differently. You stop trying to impress everyone.
And trust me, very few people in my time did that.
On People
While we’re on the topic – and this goes beyond women, this is about every human being you’ll ever deal with – there’s a secret that took me a long time to learn, son. One that will open more doors for you than any qualification or title ever will. I call it a secret because most people never learn it, and that’s because it goes against what comes naturally to us.
The secret is this: the best way to get people to do what you want is to first give them what they want.
And what do most people want? To feel important.
I know people are different son, but if there’s one thing that cuts across priests and criminals, monks and doctors, adults and children – it’s that everyone wants to feel like they matter.
Once you understand that, everything changes. You stop trying to be the most interesting person in the room and start making other people feel like they are. You become slow to criticise and quick to genuinely praise.
You try to understand people – even the ones who seem irrational or difficult – because you know that somewhere underneath the noise, they just want what everyone else wants.
And one more thing: no matter how little you think of someone, they are still worthy of your respect and understanding. I hope that’s not an attitude you carry – looking down on people – but if it ever creeps in, catch it.
Because the moment you make someone feel small, you’ve lost them… and you probably deserved to.
Take Care of Yourself
Let’s talk appearance.
Yes, son – people judge books by their covers. Especially in dating. That’s life.
So:
- Bath.
- Use deodorant.
- Cut your nails.
- Smell nice.
- Wear clothes that fit you.
- Fix your hair and beard.
At the time of writing this, women always say I look like I take care of myself. And I do. Humble flex.
Looking good boosts your energy and confidence. Don’t rebel and think “being yourself” means not caring about hygiene or grooming. That’s not what I meant.
You can love yourself and show it.
And while you’re at it, expect the same from whoever you’re dating. Hygiene isn’t just about looking good, son. It shows self-respect.
And one more thing: pay some attention to looks, yes – but not just so you can hold hands in public without shame.
Looks fade son. What really matters is whether your values align. That’s what keeps the relationship alive.
And while we’re talking about what you show the world, there’s something more important than how you look or how you carry yourself, and that’s what you actually believe.
Faith Matters
And son… faith is one of those values that matter deeply.
I believe in God, and I fear God.
I don’t care what year it is when you’re reading this but I hope you believe in Him too.
Life will humble you. And when it does, you’ll need to know there’s a higher power you can lean on.
Somewhere to seek guidance. Somewhere to pour your heart out when things don’t make sense.
Faith will help bring order to your life.
And if you believe in God – and again, I hope you do – it’s important that you align with your partner on this too.
It’s foundational.
If you don’t agree on something this central, you’re both like cattle walking towards a cliff – and neither of you will see it coming.
You don’t want to be in a household where one of you is praying and the other’s just “trusting the universe” when your child is sick.
When you both fear God, it builds character. It makes you think twice before mistreating someone.
Because you’ll remember: she’s not just your girlfriend or wife – she’s God’s child too.
Behaviour Is Everything
Learn how to communicate. Speak clearly. Make eye contact. Smile when it makes sense – don’t be a grinning clown. Crack jokes. Don’t put women on a pedestal. They’re human beings, just like you.
If you click, great. If not, life goes on.
Have hobbies. Things that make you interesting. I write part-time for a fintech company, I’m refining my swimming skills, and I work in IT – despite having a marine biology qualification. Life’s weird I know.
Mention your hobbies when the time is right. They make you stand out.
Use open body language. Gesture. Speak slowly. Pause when making a point. Listen more than you talk. Especially because women usually talk more, so let them.
Make them laugh. No one hates a man who makes them laugh.
Treat women with care, especially a good woman who proudly calls you ‘my man.’
Don’t do it out of fear, but because she deserves kindness, just like you do.
If you’re with a good woman, honour that. Honour her. She’s someone’s daughter. And hopefully, she’ll be someone’s mother too one day – the mother of your children.
And if a woman you like is clearly enjoying your company – on the phone or in person – leave. Yes you read that right… leave. Especially in the early days, when you’re still building the connection.
Politely. Cut it short.
Say you’re busy. Leave her wanting more. By doing this you show you’ve got other priorities. And that builds respect.
Don’t kill the mystery too soon by being too available or spilling your entire life story.
Play the getting-to-know-each-other game like a man who knows the rules.
Let her wonder whether you’ve got a six-pack or an eight-pack – and by now I’m assuming you’re taking care of your health and hitting the gym.
Let her smile to herself when the thought of you crosses her mind. Let her draw invisible hearts on the wall with her feet, trying to figure out the mystery that you are, son.
Even my dad and the old guys back home understood this. If you struggled to light a fire or were awkward in general, they’d say: ‘Usisishumane.’ You’re terrible with women. Didn’t matter what the task was. Stiffness meant zero rizz.
Keep Learning, Son
It’s important that you never believe your personality or your abilities are set in stone, son. You can always change, always improve.
I used to be so scared of girls I’d literally shake when talking to them – but a small part of me believed I could get better. And over time, I did.
This applies to everything in life, son. Especially your education.
The most important learning you’ll ever do won’t come from a teacher or a professor. It’ll come from you chasing knowledge yourself.
Never be comfortable with ignorance. And don’t do this for girls, do it for yourself.
I’ve been writing down words I didn’t understand in a journal for over 20 years – and I still do.
What do you mean you don’t know what ‘peregrination’ means? Look it up! That’s what the internet is for. So next time you see that word, you’ll know.
Reading and seeking knowledge will expand your mind in ways nothing else will.
The most valuable education you’ll ever have will be the kind you chased on your own.
I don’t care if you’re into tech, design, engineering, art, architecture, science, or history – read every book you can find about it. What other choice do you have? Will you be “just interested” forever and never do anything about it?
No one will read the books for you. No one will pursue your interests for you. You must take action.
Books will take you to places and times no map ever will.
Don’t hang around bozos – clowns with no direction or ambition.
Your band of brothers needs to be as ambitious and driven as you are.
If not, spend more time alone and look for masculine role models in books and online.
That’s what helped me, because I was a bozo myself once.
Lord knows how much of a loser I’d have been if I hadn’t found my heroes in pages and screens.
Final Words
I may refine this again before you read it. But this is what I’ve got for now.
True rizz starts with being yourself and loving that self.
Once you get that right, being smooth with women isn’t that hard.
Rizz doesn’t try. It doesn’t beg. It just is.
I hope we can talk about this one day. Maybe you’ll tell me what you learned or ask questions. If I’m not around, know this: I loved you. And if I didn’t have rizz, you wouldn’t be here.
So put some respek on my name.
With love,
Your Rizzly Dad.
© Phumzile